Wanderlust the Blog, Reimagined.

So.

It's been a long time: more than six years.

Six. Years.

A lot can happen—has happened—in six years.

So why now?  Why resurrect a travel-themed blog when I haven't taken an international flight since November 2014 when we moved back to the States from South Korea?  The adventures since then have mainly been metaphorical rather than geographical, with a handful of notable exceptions (like a road trip from STL to Virginia in 2019...but that's a saga best left for another day).

More to the point, why resurrect a travel-themed blog when I've not gone further than ~70 miles from my front door since the COVID-19 pandemic's waves of quarantines first reached St. Louis in mid-March 2020?  These days, in all honesty:

(Yes, Supernatural even has a gif for that, apparently.)

So why dredge up this insignificant corner of the interwebs now?  Maybe it's self-indulgent, but I've realized that I still have things I want to say—things that I think still fit with the overarching theme of this blog.  I've written a great deal in the past few years in the course of processing a number of life events and this seems like a reasonable place to share selections of those thoughts.

So: Wanderlust the Blog, Reimagined.

It's not always a literal wandering.  Sometimes it's a professional wandering through grad school and career changes.  Sometimes it's a physical or emotional wandering through the harsh landscape of chronic illness.  Sometimes it's a spiritual wandering through green pastures, across lonely deserts, beside still waters, or even through the valley of the shadow of death.  I'm a citizen of heaven, a life-long expat wandering here on earth, eagerly awaiting the return of my King.

Speaking of returning kings, it seems fitting to elaborate on the source of the quotation in this blog's header as part of the grounds for this blog-reimagining.  Odds are that most of you reading this blog don't need additional context for that quotation because either because you know me well or we happen to overlap in a Venn diagram of literary tastes, but please bear with me for a minute, okay?

In J.R.R. Tolkien's The Fellowship of the Ring, a poem known as the Riddle of Strider appears which prophetically describes Aragorn, the titular king of the third book in the Lord of the Rings trilogy:

All that is gold does not glitter;
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither;
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

While I'm confident that a great deal has already been written elsewhere about these stanzas by far more learnéd and eloquent individuals than myself, I want to highlight what resonates with me.  There is something unwavering—settled, even—about Aragorn the wanderer as described in the first stanza, something which is not buffeted about by his nomadic circumstances.  Yes, he has fears and doubts which hold him back from claiming his rightful kingship for a significant part of the trilogy.  Yes, he spends many years as a wanderer, but his character is rooted in something deeper, something that eventually drives him to take up the crown and title when Gondor's need is greatest.  It is this inner character—his courage, his compassion, his commitment to justice and to peace—which informs his actions as a warrior, healer, lover, and friend throughout the saga.  He doesn't undergo a fundamental transformation when he becomes king.  He continues to be who he already was.  The addition of a crown doesn't make him a good king; his extant moral center does.

So what does that have to do with me and with this blog?  The truth is that my physical and metaphorical wanderings over the years have encompassed both aimless exile and wonder-filled exploration.  I'll skip the specifics for now, but since I started this blog just over a decade ago, I've spent a lot of time asking myself the following questions:

When thing after thing after thing is stripped away, what is left of me?  Who am I, deep down where the frost doesn't reach?

I've written thousands of words in the past decade in the course of verbal-processing some answers to those questions, and doubtless I'll write thousands more before my journey ends.  I've decided some of those words will end up here on this blog, serving as a chronicle of both the literal and metaphorical miles I travel.  And maybe, just maybe, someone will find something edifying—whether hope, or solidarity, or challenge—as they traverse the hills and valleys of my words with me.

When Bilbo sets out for Rivendell in The Fellowship of the Ring, he sings:

The Road goes ever on and on,

Down from the door where it began.

No far ahead the Road has gone,

And I must follow, if I can,

Pursuing it with eager feet,

Until it joins some larger way

Where many paths and errands meet.

And whither then? I cannot say.

What I can say is this: I am a blade that has been broken, but God is reforging me, piece by piece.

430 days later...better late than never, right?

Ahem. So. Before you say anything: I know. "Blog" implies more frequent posts than every, oh, 430 days. Yes, I said I know.

In my defense, I have many times thought of blogging but didn't know what I wanted to say or couldn't make up my mind how to say it.  I started drafts, only to never publish them; some still languish in my drafts folder.  I thought I wanted to write the perfect first Korea post...but since I couldn't make the perfect post, I didn't post anything. At all. For 430 days.

Maybe that should have been a hint--a few hundred days ago. Oh well. Better late than never.  My new blogging goal is to post more frequent (and therefore probably shorter) verbal and visual snapshots of our crazy, funny, frustrating, challenging, beautiful life: the nitty-gritty wherein all the humor, joy, pain, love, and faith really dwell.  Feel free to hold me accountable to that, dear readers (if there are any of you still out there after my extensive hiatus).

Now that we've got that out of the way:

Today, I took the GRE, which would normally be bad enough.

But I took it in a foreign country.

Where I don't speak the language at all. (Seriously, I've been here 14 months and my entire Korean vocabulary barely registers in the double digits. It's embarrassing.)

Anyway, the GRE.  I was seriously the only native English speaker in the testing facility. And the only one who couldn't read the wall signs and sign-in instructions, which were in Korean.  I had to ask complete strangers for help. Fortunately, because they were all there to take an English language exam, they were able (and kind enough) to help direct me.

God is gracious because I totally had peace and a sense of humor about the whole thing.

What's more, I totally had peace about the exam itself.  Which is even more unusual given the lead-up to today.

See, the fact that I was even taking it today is a bit of a funny story in itself:

I only decided that I was, in fact, going to take it AT ALL about 2 WEEKS AGO.  I'd been nominally studying vocab on and off for some time with Drew because he plans to take it next year and we both figured I might take it eventually.  He'd practice GRE words by using them in conversation with me wherever he could fit them in.  Usually this results in a lot of laughter, because I can often tell when he's just trying to get a test-word in there instead of using the other big words he'd normally employ.  But that is neither here nor there.  As I was saying, bits and dabs of GRE studying that amounted to very little so far.  But then in mid September, we realized that the best window of opportunity for me to go get my master's would be...*drumroll*... next fall! That's right. Mid-September 2013 I decided to apply for Fall 2014 admission to vocal pedagogy master's programs.  Which mainly have December 2013 deadlines.

Yikes. 

So anyway, over the next few weeks I researched a lot and decided on some schools and, lo and behold, several wanted a GRE score. By December.  

Double yikes.  

Ok, so that's less than ideal, I thought, but it's only mid October by this point and I figured I could take it mid November, so I can have a month to study.  I started exploring practice tests. About 4 days went by. I went to sign up for the GRE online, still thinking mid November would work for me.  And maybe I would be able to take it on post at the Education center. That'd be nice and convenient.

BUT NO.

Turns out it takes up to two weeks before the GRE scores even get sent to the schools you designate on test day.  And the latest available testing date in South Korea that would guarantee enough time for scores to reach schools by the deadlines was October 30th.  In Seoul. Not on post where we live.  In SEOUL (near a train station I've never stopped at before, by the way). Which, for anyone rusty on their Korean geography, is 1.5 hours by train from Dongducheon, the small city we live in that's halfway between Seoul and the DMZ.

This keeps getting better and better.

But I decided to look on the bright side: it's an adventure! Plus, I wouldn't have to angst about the test for months and I could be really, really motivated about studying--it's just 10 days, after all.

Yep.  TEN DAYS.  Triple yikes.

So I booked a hotel for the night before the test at the US military post in Seoul, took the train down, and figured out where the heck the testing center was, while looking painfully touristy with my overnight bag, my phone-gps clutched in one hand, and my printout of the building location from Google maps in the other. (Because calculating routes in English doesn't work in google maps for Korea.  Super-convenient, I know.)

(A quick snapshot of a temporary construction wall/barrier I walked past on my way to find the test site last night...yes, it is decorated with helpful PSA-style diagrams of how to make an origami rhinoceros...further down the wall were diagrams of origami elephants and ostriches, too.)

Anyway, I finally found the test center!  Here's a fuzzy in-the-dark picture of the awesome artsy-architecture that is the Fulbright Building in Seoul.

Anyway, after scribbling notes on my map-print-out to reassure myself I'd be able to find the place again in a timely manner in the morning, I headed to my hotel for the night. I snacked on bread slathered with Nutella (study incentive treat!) and educated myself about the essay formats on the test. I also retaught myself several general math concepts I discover I've completely forgotten--like factoring polynomials. In my defense, it has been over 7 years since I last took a proper math class. Wow, suddenly I feel a bit old. But I digress.

This is my favorite part: I stopped studying before bed, but that's when I started praying instead. And reading Philippians 3-4. Great chapters; you should totally check them out, dear readers.  And the apostle Paul, through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, has totally awesome stuff to say about humility, pressing onward, prayer, and peace.  Phew.  Loaded passages, but exactly what God had for me right then.  What a timely reminder to practice humility in the face of the temptation to place my hope and trust in my academic record and intellectual abilities.  After all, they are not what define me, whether I succeeded or failed at this GRE attempt.  In God's eyes, I'm so horribly broken that all my best deeds and abilities are rubbish.  My good undergrad GPA?  My high standardized test scores in high school?  To borrow from Shakespeare, everything I am and have is but "quintessence of dust."  Or as the prophet Isaiah put it: "All flesh is grass, and all its beauty is like the flower of the field.  The grass withers, the flower fades when the breath of the LORD blows on it; surely the people are grass" (Isaiah 40:6b-7 ESV).  But--Praise God!--He didn't leave me like that.  He gave Himself on the cross so that I could "gain Christ" (Phil. 3)--my sins are atoned and Christ's righteousness adorns my shoulders, hiding equally the rubbish of both my sins and my best efforts underneath.

The chapters in Philippians go on to chronicle Paul's thought process--the "now what," if you will.  He exhorts his readers to join him in "forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead...press[ing] on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" (Phil. 3:13b-14 ESV).  Those are good words, especially to a perfectionist like me who tends to get hung up on past failures as well as past successes, both of which can prevent me equally from excelling in my academic pursuits and from living abundantly in my relationship with God.

I reached chapter 4 and again found just the words I needed at that moment--the "how" of doing that "now what."  How do I give it all to God and press forward in the confidence of His grace?  Paul gives us the answer in verse 6-7: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (ESV).  I remembered how just over two weeks ago, we had a guest speaker at PWOC (the women's ministry on post that I volunteer with) who spoke about prayer from these verses.  Her acronym for a template for prayer came back to me: PRAY.  That's Praise, Repent, Ask, Yield.  Praise God for who He is, Repent by agreeing with God about your sin and turning from it to Him, Ask for what you need or are worried about, then Yield the results to His perfect will.  So I did that, right then.  It's been a rough several years spiritually for me--lots of highs and lows for a variety of reasons (if you haven't been in the loop on that, feel free to ask, but that's another long story for another day or another post; it mostly involves me blaming God for stuff and then having a hard time believing He's forgiven me for blaming Him for so long).  Honestly a lot of times when I pray, I struggle to get past the confession stage of prayer.  It's not that I'm not confessing; I guess I mostly get hung up on the being forgiven part.  I struggle to believe that I've really confessed enough (which doesn't really even make sense theologically, but there you go: things we believe without basis that get in the way of abundant life) or that God's not still somehow disappointed with me and therefore not forgiven me or restored me to the full joy of His salvation (also an unsound thing to believe theologically but a tough idea to shake once it grabs on).  Anyway, for the first time in quite a while, I really felt forgiven.  I know that the truth is that I am forgiven always in Christ, but there is such joy in recognizing that all over again.  Before I went to bed, I praised God, confessed, and actually accepted the forgiveness I know He's always been giving me.

This morning, based on the boldness of knowing I'm really forgiven, I dared to ask.  It was a beautiful fall Korean morning--God's artistry evident in the changing colors, the chill in the air, and sweet smell of changing seasons in the light breeze.  This was the view from my window this morning at sunrise when I was getting up (sorry the pic's so blurry and has window-reflections...but it was just too pretty a sunrise not to try to give you a taste):

Anyway, I had such peace.  I was completely at peace with how the test might go.  I trusted God, and I put no stock in my own abilities or insecurities.  I just pressed on toward the goal.  Before I started the test (once I'd navigated the language barriers at the testing center!), I paused to really pray again.  I dared to ask God for a better outcome to the test than I had dared to hope for, the kind of result that could only be from Him.  Then, still full of His peace, I yielded the whole thing to Him.  Each new sheet of scratch paper, each section of the exam, I yielded to Him.  It was a really great experience.  Never thought I'd say that about the GRE, but really, it had nothing to do with the GRE.  It was just where I happened to be when I was yielding my steps to God.

By the time I was finished, I felt really good about how it had gone and I still felt at peace.  And that's when they tell you your "unofficial" score at the end (that is, your scores for the parts of the test that can be scored electronically on site).  Man, God really answered my prayer.  I am still kind of in shock that He actually did.  Oh, me of little faith. ;)  Anyway, there is no way it should have gone as smoothly as it did nor that I should have earned that good a score, definitely not with the crammed timeline or the geographic and linguistic complications.  But there it is, added permanently to my academic record: Proof that sometimes God does answer our prayers for the things we think are too big to ask for.  More importantly, for me it will be an Ebenezer during the next several weeks of application frenzy and several additional weeks or months of waiting for acceptance/rejection letters: God is in control of the process.  PRAY.  Then rest in His will.

That is exactly what I failed to do the last time I applied to grad school, and the bad experience I had with the process last time around was one contributing factor in kicking off such a long and difficult period in my walk with God.  I hope and pray this is a chance to come full-circle; a chance for God to do a healing and growing work in me.  Maybe this time, I can trust Him each step of the way and see His hand more clearly, finding healing from past pains and renewed faith and joy in following His plan for my life.

Soli Deo Gloria!
-Emily

South Korea: The RFO

     Now that we finally have an RFO (Request for Orders), I can actually share some factual information about our upcoming move to South Korea for those of you who've been patiently waiting for details! :)

An RFO is a preliminary set of orders, which the Army--naturally--reserves the right to change without warning.  So basically, here is the information that we're currently operating on (but which could still change):

-Drew's current training course lasts until May 22, 2012.

-He has been assigned an additional few weeks of training for the specific type of equipment that he has been assigned to for his time in Korea.  That training will wrap up on June 22, 2012.

-He has been assigned a report date to the 2nd Infantry Division, 1st Brigade (probably as an FSO, for anyone who knows artillery and is curious) in South Korea for July 9, 2012 (however, he is authorized to report early if he wishes).

-There is almost always a lag-time between when the soldier goes and the dependent(s) follow(s).  Therefore, I expect to be stateside until the end of July at the very least.

-We expect to be stationed at Camp Casey, which is north of Seoul in what the Army calls Area I.  The larger city outside the camp is called Dongducheon (alternate spellings available depending on how one romanizes it from Korean, I think).

-We don't have any details yet about how long we'll be there or whether or not we'll have command sponsorship.

That's it for now, folks!  At least we're not moving in 6 weeks (for those who remember how I was slightly panicking in a previous post about possibly having to pack everything and move with less than 6 weeks' notice)!

Thanks for reading!  Further bulletins as events warrant. ;)
-Emily and Drew

Itinerant Household!

Ok, I've given A LOT of thought lately to the topic of the previous post--being an itinerant household. The reason?

WE COULD BE MOVING (AGAIN) IN AS LITTLE AS SIX WEEKS.

Yes, you did read that correctly.  It will probably be longer than six weeks, but there's no guarantee.

That's right.  We could be moving in less than two months, COULD being the operative word.  The Army, bless them, hasn't bothered to cut us any orders--or even any pre-orders (called RFOs)--yet.  All we know for sure is as follows (and we've known the following 3 things since Feb. 28, nearly 6 weeks ago):

1) We are officially moving to South Korea.  (More on that in the next post!)
2) Drew will be stationed with the 2nd Infantry Division (henceforth referred to as the 2nd ID).
3) We won't be leaving until after May 22, 2012, because Drew's coursework/training here in Lawton concludes on that date.

Yes, that's all we know.  And yes, May 22nd is a mere 6 weeks away.  Can you tell I'm getting a bit restless?

I've been reading all about the country, the culture, moving tips, pinning all things moving-and-itinerant-household related onto Pinterest, speculating about all the possible variations of how this whole moving-to-Asia thing could go down, and stressing out some about how little real info we have about something that's happening for sure and may be happening very soon.

If you search Google for moving advice, timelines, and checklists, most of the moving timelines start counting down from 8 weeks...and expect you to actually know where you're moving to.  We won't even know what kind of housing accommodations we'll be renting until Drew gets there (he will go first) and signs a lease, by which point in time, we'll have already moved out of our apartment here in Lawton, OK, USA, and put all of our belonging into a) storage, b) a shipment to Korea that has a maximum weight restriction, or c) his and my suitcases.  So much for the internet's advice to consider the layout of your new home and label the boxes with appropriate room designations and plan furniture layouts! Ha! :)

I guess I always have said I wanted adventure...I just sometimes wish it didn't involve so many unknowns or so many things outside my control, truthfully.  At the same time, I know that these few years of Army moves will be an amazing experience--we'll get to travel to and live in places we might never otherwise see, and we get to grow together as individuals and as a couple through these experiences and the challenges that come with them.  So even though I'm sometimes frustrated, I try to remember that--as one of the women at the Army wives' Bible study I go to said recently--"God cuts the orders and the Army foots the bill!"  God already knows all the details that we don't, and better yet, He's already planned out each and every purpose He has in store for us in South Korea.  We have the chance to carry the Gospel with us all over the world, and the Army pays our expenses. :)  I hope to find joy and comfort in that as the move gets closer and closer.  God is the God of the whole world, and He goes ahead of us and follows behind us, guiding and guarding us as He gives us a role to play in His Kingdom's work.  As we remember especially at this time of year our Lord's atoning death and triumphant resurrection, may we find joy in being including in the glorious project of Redemption.
In Christ, who is the Hope of the whole World (even Korea),
Emily

Trying to think outside the box...

...about boxes, of all things.

Ok, so college students do it regularly, military families do it regularly, missionaries do it regularly...so why isn't there more written about it?

I'm talking about moving, of course. :)

College students move usually twice a year (to and from college) for four-plus years, military families move anywhere from every 6 months to 4 years, and missionary families often move between the field and their home-church base for sabbatical times.  There's tons on the internet about moving, packing, cleaning out the clutter before the move, and unpacking after the move.  That's all well and good and has definitely helped me over the years.

But now what I can't seem to find is the one type of thing that I really want to know about: when one is preparing for a life-time (or at least several years of the foreseeable future) of constant moving, how does one make EVERYTHING one owns portable or easily packable or flexible, without looking like one is living in a college dorm room with posters haphazardly taped to the walls and stacks of flimsy, brightly colored plastic rubbermaid boxes holding anything that doesn't fit in the wardrobe that came with the dorm room?  Where are the blogs about making every piece of furniture do double duty as furniture and storage that can be adapted to any sized living space but be both easily packed up and moved with out breaking easily, yet still look classy or even coordinated?  Where's all the advice about how to decorate your first home or apartment when you know full-well that you'll be relocating the entire contents in 6 months or less?

I'm determined to meet this challenge head-on and master it.  I WILL figure out a way to make this work, to keep the furniture and containers and systems that will transition well from location to location, from one side of the globe to the other, if need be, and cull out everything that weighs us down without being worth the extra effort. :)

In closing:
"Have nothing in your homes that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful."
-designer William Morris

[Or that can be easily moved halfway across the world, or is worth the extra effort needed to do so. :)]

If I come up with awesome revelations or even vaguely useful ideas on the subject of the Itinerant Household, I'll follow up and post them!

Better late than never...

Ok, it's been nearly a year since my last post...and a LOT has happened since then.

I didn't get into grad school. But God had other (better) things in store for me.

Even as I finished up my final (fifth) year at Truman and stressed out about grad school apps and auditions, God was carefully orchestrating the timing on another wild card in my life: my relationship with one LT Andrew D. Tipping, U.S. Army (a friend from Truman who, incidentally, was one of my few avid readers from this blog's inception). Our friendship of 4 years turned quickly into something more after Drew gave his life to Christ on May 4, 2010. We both thought it would be a bad idea to date right away, so we essentially alternated 'breaking up' with each other despite the fact that we weren't officially dating...I'd just been calling him from London on my cell phone for 4p a minute for sometimes hours at a time (in the middle of the night, GMT, I might add), and he was regularly emailing me and more than happy to let me run up his phone bill like that. Well, after 3 pseudo-break-ups in mid-May, early June, and late August respectively, we finally started dating officially in late October 2010.

We dated 3 weeks before he happened to mention it to his parents, and only a week after finding out her son was dating me, Drew's mom proceeded to spend part of their family's Thanksgiving roadtrip bestowing unsolicited upon him her advice about the best time of year to plan the wedding! (People, I'm not making this stuff up.) Anyway, at least we knew she approved from the start! By January, Drew and I were the ones discussing marriage seriously, and we asked God at the end of February if that was His plan for us. It's another long story, but He said yes pretty clearly.

It took another 3 weeks, though, before we figured my parents were ready for Drew to ask permission to marry me. Once he did, and permission was duly granted, he proposed on Monday, March 28, 2011. On Thursday, March 31st, I got my final rejection letter (actually, it was a rather impersonal email) and we knew we'd be getting married in the fall instead of waiting until I was finished with grad school! I've never been sooo happy about being rejected in my life! And so, 6 months after Drew became a Christian, we starting dating, and 5 months after that we got engaged. Almost exactly 5 months from our engagement, we were married in Hermann, MO, on August 20, 2011.  (If anyone's interested in more of the story of our relationship, you can take a look at our wedding website, http://tiny.cc/AndrewandEmily2011)

Marriage is amazing and challenging. I've grown so much in the past 4 months that it's almost hard to believe how far I've come when I look back. I thought I was ready for marriage, but I had still so much to learn. God's been good and seen us through a number of challenges since our engagement, including Drew's mother's unexpected death in June, my first of 2 wrist surgeries (Nov), and--between the two of us combined--moving house not once but 4 times since May!

I confess some days I feel a bit like Eowyn in J.R.R. Tolkien's The Return of the King.  Like Eowyn, I have always held in my heart a deep yearning for adventures and great deeds.  Maybe it's the traces of a Viking heritage not completely diluted with the passing of generations or perhaps it is an echo of a longing for the glory and adventure of the new heaven and new earth that are yet to come.  Whatever its source, settling always felt like a trap, and complacency always seemed the worst of fates.  Yet I have come to understand, I think, the change of heart Eowyn felt when she exclaimed to Faramir after months and years of restlessness and fears of adventure and glory passing her by, "I will be a shield-maiden no longer, nor vie with the great Riders, nor take joy only in the songs of slaying.  I will be a healer, and love all things that grow and are not barren."  She finds solace and a home in sharing her heart with a man--a friend--who understood her yearnings for something honorable, something more than ordinary.  She finds someone who understands her and loves her exactly as she is.  And growing in that relationship is a new and completely different adventure.  I, too, have found adventure in sharing my life with this man that God has given to me.  Because being in an ever-growing relationship is a constant source of exploration and discovery, and because God has given Drew and me to one another as traveling companions, I now know that no matter what we do or where life takes us, settling is no longer an option.  We have chosen a life of adventure together--the adventure of living for God's glory and the advancement of His kingdom, the most glorious cause possible.  As we follow our King, life can't help but become a daily adventure.

It's true that God's closed one chapter in my life--my years of Truman and studying abroad--but He's penning the opening pages of a new and exciting adventure. I hope to be more reliable and articulate in posting about both the adventure of the daily living and about where God's path take Drew and me in the coming years--whether it's Stateside or South Korea or somewhere else. As I look back on all that the Lord has done in my life to this point and how clear in hindsight His guiding Hand is, I am humbled at my own childish impatience and frustration when I didn't understand what He was doing and awed anew by His unfailing Love for me and all His children as He works all things for the good of those who love Him (Rom. 8). I see His hand guiding my wanderings in this wide world so that--as long as I keep my eyes on Him--I may be a 'wanderer' but I will never be lost.

In closing, I leave you with a beautiful song by a talented Christian artist, Andrew Peterson, who shares his thoughts on wanderlust and the adventure of marriage:

In Christ, our great King, Guide, and Leader,
Mrs. Emily E. Tipping :)